**Mark Steyn said it first but it bears repeating.
Madonna is planning, hoping, trying to remake the 1942 World War II classic "Casablana"--starring her 49-year-old self, of course, as Ilsa Lund, the role played by a 24-year-old Ingrid Bergman. (Death of the Grown-Up, anyone?) No word on who might play Rick, the role immortalized past the point of iconography to spoof (Woody Allen's "Play It Again, Sam") and back again by Humphrey Bogart.
A Hollywood source tells the Daily Mail: "She wants to update the story and maybe set it in a modern war zone such as Iraq."
SUCH AS IRAQ?
The British paper reports there is no script as yet, so it offers a few possible updates for Madonna-blanca:
Of all the Kabbalah meetings in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
Here's looking at you, kid. Now who do we have to pay to adopt him?
We'll always have Basra... I think this is the beginning of a beautiful fitness regime...
I stick my neck out for nobody - just in case they see the wrinkles.
It doesn't take much to see that Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction arsenal didn't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.
If you watch this remake, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.